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February 17 thoughts flowing...I have wanted to write for a long time...everyday I think of his smile and hear his laugh. Sometimes I think of my fights with him and then I wish sometimes that had I not fight with him it would have been better. Its like, I had something precious and fragile and I didn't look after it well and now it is gone so I am thinking why I didn't look after it well. Well, I would say that at times I think I was not the best brother I could have been, I don't know why I feel this at times. You might say it is because he is not here today I feel that way.
Life is not same or even close to what it used to be when he was here. There is an "emptiness" feeling...a "void" feeling in my heart. Nothing can change the special place in my heart, it will always belong to him. Some days are of happiness, while some are filled with sorrows but what can you do? The hole in the heart will remain forever.
I could never understand completely what people meant by "heal" with time. As time is flying by I can tell what they probably meant by "heal". For me, the feelings inside the heart never changed, I still feel lost, angry, and hurt. The only thing which changes with time is you try to take what happened and make it a part of your life, part of your day. To put it in simple words, take a ball for example. When you drop the ball down on the floor, the ball makes sudden impact with the floor, the ball keeps bouncing and slowly slowly with time the bounce gets low and eventually it comes to rest. Similarly, that day the ball was dropped and there was a sudden impact, just like when the first bounce is high the first year was rough because you don't know what to do, what really happened and lots of questions come to your mind. I should also add that in this case the ball will come to rest when you will leave this world for eternal.
To conclude, I would say that such tragedy changes the person in many ways, I am not the same person which people knew couple of years ago. I have changed in some or many ways. One change I can say now of is…I care more than ever of people who mean alot to me like my parents, my sister, my family members, my little cousins, my special friend and a few good friends of mine. I just don't want to wake up tomorrow without them... TrackbacksThe trackback URL for this entry is: http://rahim.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!F43A07DD06D5E80F!179.trak Weblogs that reference this entry
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